If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
