All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You smell like stripper and shame
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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