how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
