So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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