I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
