what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
