No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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