You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
