I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
