Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
