There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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