I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
