Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
