she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
