i think i have two assholes
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
