i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
