Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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