i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
