Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Quick, to the slutcave!
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
