well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
