I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
