God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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