Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
