his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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