YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
