You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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