The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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