Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
