Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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