I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
