I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
