She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So much rum. So many feels.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
