I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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