Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
