i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
