I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We were destined to go to rehab together
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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