my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
