not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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