just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
