Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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