You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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