Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
