I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
