shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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