Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
