I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
