Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
