I am puke
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I party with great urgency now.
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