You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
