If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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