There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
