You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
