I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
